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"Are you changing your last name this year?"
Our first and second year of marriage I said no, I wanted to finish my Chartered Accountancy in my maiden name.
The 3rd and 4th year I said no, I had too many clients that knew me by my maiden name.
The fifth year I said I would, once we got settled into our new city...and then I got pregnant and life just got busy again. It's tough work changing ALL your ID you know.
Every year after that something has happened to suggest that taking his name may be easier on me...for example:
- The customs dude at Las Vegas Airport asking Tim HOW ON EARTH I could NOT have my wife take his name??
- The ER nurse at Childrens asking if I was a single mom since Cole has a different last name
- The blockbuster video rental dude who will not let me use Tim's card to rent movies, even though we have the same address
- The phone calls I get before every wedding asking whether I want to be listed by my maiden name or married name on the invite and place setting
I like my name...just as it is. I'm not saying I don't like Tim's name, our kids all have his name. It's a great name!
Maybe I simply like the thought of holding onto something I was born with. Maybe I'm being stubborn, selfish, non-traditional.
Hyphens, combining names, moving my last name into my middle name are not options for me. All or nothing.
Maybe it's like the couples who never marry because they think the label of "marriage" will ultimately break them apart? We are happily married 10 years now....would a simple "name change" really make our marriage better? Would Tim realize he is officially "stuck" with me if I finally did the "honorable" deed?
I've know women to jump at the chance to change their name, others who eventually change theirs, and those, who see it just like me..
Individually unified
Given the chance, would you still change yours?
If I had it to do over again I'd have Tim change his name to my maiden name! It's a long story, but after all that's transpired in the past 8 years, he'd probably agree with me!
ReplyDeleteright or wrong, it was important (not I won't marry you if you don't important, but more sentimental important) to Kirk that I took his name. but being a bit of a modern girl, I didn't want to give up my maiden name so I kept it and is now my second middle name. i guess this was a happy compromise for us both...just another part of marriage! :)
ReplyDeleteI definitely would change my name again. All those things that you listed would make me CRAZY. And deep down, I am just old fashioned. I wanted my kids to have the same last name as me. And no way was I making Jay change his name to Ceslak. And also kill his father because that would have been the end result :)
ReplyDeleteBut it is so very personal and I think every woman should do what is right for her.
I was happy to change my name as my new name was much easier for people to spell properly, plus I didn't want my kids to always have to explain why their mom's name was different.
ReplyDeleteBut if I had a great last name it would have been more of a decision to make.
Every case is individual
That was a really important thing for both Pete and I, and now that we have four kids, I'm so glad we have the same name, to me, it makes me feel more complete, that's the old-fashioned in me. Each to their own, and you have an awesome last name!
ReplyDeleteI didn't think twice when it came to changing my last name when Mark and I got married, I actually looked forward to it! Plus it makes things a little easier when kids come along. However, whatever you and other women want to do is up to you. No one should judge you for your decision!
ReplyDeleteI LOVED my maiden name. LOVED IT. But I never considered not changing it. Good for you, though.
ReplyDeleteIt was important to my husband to change, so I did. But, I too never even considered not changing it, so my decision was quite easy!
ReplyDeleteIf you're not going to change your last name, how about a joint bank account at very least. Love your husband.
ReplyDeletehonestly I hate my new last name, but for all those reasons you listed I changed it. you know what I have hung onto for the past 9 years though? my own bank account. hubbys name isn't even on it. we talk about getting a joint account, and I know it makes sense but it's that something that I am holding on to. a marriage, a house and 3 kids later. lol
ReplyDelete