Monday, February 23, 2009

Overly sensitive or insensitive?

Remember I made a mental note to ask the doctor whether patients brought their kids to appointments? Well I got my answer from the nurse the other day

Bringing Cole to any appointments was not the “best idea” It’s a sensitivity issue” she said politely. I fully get that now, I just needed a polite smack to knock out any selfishness I was experiencing. I take for granted that I have secondary infertility but there are many many couples with primary infertility who do NOT want to see the prize within an arms length reach.

This brings me to the whole “sensitivity” issue. I cannot count the number of times in my life where people have told me to stop being sooooooo sensitive. I care about people, what they are going through and how my actions may affect their lives… I expect the same behavior in return.

Unfortunately life does not seem to work that way and I am learning to manage it. But I wonder…..does infertility make a sensitive person overly-sensitive or are people out there really THAT insensitive?

Example: I was at a baby shower a year ago with Cole. While I was mingling and Cole was playing with the other kids in the room, a lady came up to me and asked if Cole was my only one. I said yes…and with a look of shock on her face she continued with “Do you not want anymore kids?”

Example 2: Comments such as “Cole does not “share” because he doesn’t have any siblings” or “ Just stop thinking about it and you’ll get pregnant”

Example 3: After hosting a wake for a family members death at my home, an extended family member from out of town decided to give her condolences and say thank you in the following way: “It sure would have been nice to have come to see a baby instead……”

How does one answer such a comment? I answered it like this….

Is coming to see Cole not enough? Besides the fact that it was a WAKE!!! And then I kindly showed her the door and have refused any more of her visits.

So my question is this…

Am I being too sensitive? Is the pressure I have placed on myself to have more children translating into misinterpreting potentially innocent comments?........


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  2. You are not over sensitive, people just don't think. We all have times when we shake our heads at what people today someone said to me, You are SO skinny! I was like, um, is that a compliment or not? My reply was, well I am the same as always...same jeans as a year ago and they aren't loose!

  3. I think people speak without thinking and without knowing the struggle you are going through. I KNOW what my foot tastes like, because it has been shoved into my mouth too many times.

  4. people just don't think before speaking. i am going to start wearing a shirt that says, "all dumb comments will be blogged!"

    and no, you are not over sensitive at all.

  5. I just stumbled upon your blog, and I was given the diagnosis of "unexplained infertility" a few years ago. I also endured my fair share of insensitive comments, and, no, you're not being overly sensitive. People say the stupidest things (just get drunk, just relax...)

    I'm going to keep up with your blog and good luck! The thing I loved about the fertility clinic (at least the one we went to) was their whole goal is to get you pregnant and they're 100 percent there for you!