Saturday, February 28, 2009

Marriage Therapy? Really?

I think Tim and I have a darn good marriage. We truly enjoy one another, make major decisions together, finish each others sentences and agree on “most” things. His relaxed nature balances out my neurotic tendencies.

So when I received a phone call from a Marriage & Family Therapist, I almost hung up…..she surely must have the wrong couple!!!

A quick read through the material presented at IVF info night clarified everything. We were required to have a one hour counseling session with the therapist in order to proceed with IVF. MANDATORY for all couples. Phew, I thought that maybe based on our behavior at info night, we had been chosen for additional “therapy”

3 weeks ago, the appointment arrived and Tim and I agreed that we should make it as quick as possible. Answer the basics and get out- this was his plan of attack. After nine years of marriage my husband should know that given the chance….and with a Starbucks coffee in hand, candles burning and a comfy couch….I can talk for hours!

I should also know that after nine years of marriage my husband would want to know why he must endure a 3rd party induced counseling session. His first question as we sat down was directed to the therapist and went like this:

“What are you hoping to get out of this session with us?”

I told you he makes me laugh……the therapist was polite, but she was not laughing…

Once Tim was satisfied with her answer we got into the nitty gritty…

  • Do you have major stresses in your life and do you have a plan in place to manage them during this process?

  • Have you thought about the outcome - good or bad?

  • Have you talked to Cole about the process

  • How do you communicate with each other, how do you resolve issues?

  • Do you have a support group (family, friends, church)

  • Do you have any addictive tendencies…. During stressful times people often compensate in other areas such as drinking…gambling….shopping…exercise

So far so good, I think we have positioned ourselves well, no major “ah ha” moments as Oprah calls it. The therapist let us read her notes and once we signed off that she had “interpreted” us correctly, we were given the stamp of approval!

Later that evening, after Cole was in bed and Tim and I were relaxing, I began to wonder if my reaction to the session would have been different if we did not have Cole. If I was sitting on that couch struggling with primary infertility would I be as calm about the outcome? I have said before that I always thought I would have 3 or 4 kids……..

And as though Tim was reading my mind…..he leaned over and whispered…

“Just so you know, I’m 100% ok if Cole is our one and only, we are blessed to have him”

Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, no marriage counseling needed here……


  1. First of all you keep blowing me away with these post! I mean I knew you would be good at this but damn, girl, you are amazing at it!!!

    And you and Tim are perfect for each other. This pretty much seals the deal. :)

  2. woohoo, for the two of you.

    and now I am a poet. ;)

  3. I am most impressed with the clinic, Cheryl...infertility can certainly be a huge stress on a marriage. Sometimes it can bring the worst ...I'm so glad you have a strong marriage and you're both on the same page.

    I remember thinking that I was so alone in my journey even though my husband was right there with me every step of the's amazing what frustration can do to people.