Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Maybe we should go for #4?

When we found out we were having 2 more boys, many people asked if we would try for a girl. At the time I said no way, 3 kids is enough! Having had the twins, and loving every minute of this parenthood thing, I find myself asking...

Maybe a 4th child is a possibility?

Don't get me wrong, I would not do IVF again, knowing my luck I would end up with another set of twins...but I was open to simply "trying" for the next year without the use of fertility. If it's meant to me, it will happen right?

Which brings me to the point of my post. When do you know when to stop? When to be satisfied with what you have and shut the door on your child rearing days. I ask this as a result of what's happening with the Duggar Family. You know, the family of 18 who recently just had their 19th child at 25 weeks gestation.

I've watched their reality show a few times, and each time I did she manage to have 18 beautiful healthy kids? She is 42, the risks have been high for a few years now....I have friends who have one or two kids and either one or both have health related issues.

I myself had a scare in our own twin blood work at 15 weeks showed and significant increase in protein levels which they told me was an indicator of down syndrome. (That's a whole post in itself)

MY truth is that we set out in pregnancy expecting to have no complications. To deliver a beautiful baby and go home with that baby. Life is hard enough when you have perfectly healthy kids and I while I know I can handle anything life throws at me, I hope to never tempt fate.

Did Michelle Duggar tempt fate by not closing the fertility doors years ago? She mentioned at one point how they would keep having kids until she could no longer conceive (ie: menopause). Now she has delivered a baby at 25 weeks, 1 pound 6oz.

I'm no doctor and I have no clue whether pre-eclampsia is associated at all with age..

I'm also not religious, don't fault me for my spiritual ignorance.

I do believe we are only dealt what we can handle. The question is whether our decisions play a role in the cards we are dealt? Wasn't 18 kids enough? Why did she need to shuffle the deck once more?


  1. It's a tough question. I would ask the Duggar's the same one...why? Why not stop with what you have been given so far? Why put the baby's life at risk? Sometimes I think they should put their religious beliefs aside and think about the reality of it all. But I'm NOT judging them, it's just my opinion. I think they handle those children wonderfully, something I could not do! I don't have that kind of patience. Maybe this baby will be their wakeup call!

    I knew after having 3 kids so close together, we were done! It is all that I can handle. Sure, we could have lots more and I would love having a house full of kids, but personally, I don't think I could handle it (unless I had a full-time nanny)! But that's just me. I know my limits.

  2. Michelle Duggar ended up delivering earlier becasue of Gallbladder attacks which caused the complications, which to me could happen at any age. Is she tempting fate, absolutely, and I am amazed that she has had so many perfect children. But that's just who they are. To be honest I don't think that if their child had a disability they would feel any different for they believe that every child is a gift from God and is given to them for a purpose.

    For others, they are not as free to take the risks as having a child who is not "perfect" for their own reasons, and that is why we all choose what's right for our own family.

    We stopped at 3 becasue of the higher risk of having another child with Autism. After having our third we were so happy we really wanted to have one more. But after our son's diagnosie of Autism we reconsidered. One reason was the higher chance of having another son with Autism, that the severity of Autism could be much worse that what we had now. But also that if we had a "typical" son...I was worried that the boys would be compared and possibly favored by my husband, and that is the part I couldn't live with. Now he is the only boy and is special for that.

    I think the question you have to ask yourself when deciding to try for another child is "Am I willing to have a child of any ability, and do I feel that our family would be made stronger or suffer from the experience. And am I willing to have another boy, as it may not be the girl some hope for"
    Something only you and Tim could ever decide.

  3. I didn't know that about the Duggars, that is sad. I think that the attitude that "we'll have as many kids as God gives us" is a bit crazy. Many people who say that are on fertility drugs. Um, I don't think that's soley God's will then.... but that's just my personal opinion as someone who is not religious.

    That said, based on their show, they are really good parents, though I question how much responsibilty the older kids get strapped with just for practicality reasons. For me, I didn't want so many kids that the older ones had to care for the younger ones. Personal preference.

    Oh I could go on and on and on....!

  4. I watch the re-run of their show during the day and I often think how very lucky they are that they've had so many healthy children. When I heard that she had an emergency C-section and that her baby was REALLY early, my heart went out to them because I've had TWO nephews that were born extremely early as well (26 and 25 wks!). But it also made me wonder if they will finally decide that enough is enough. I kind of figured they wanted 20 children because in one of the shows Jim Bob said something about having that many and then if each of them had 10 kids they'd have 200 grandchildren. Can you even imagine???

    Anyway, as far as your own personal decision whether to have more or not, I think you kind of just "know." If you enjoy parenthood that much and don't feel that your family is quite complete, I say go for it!

  5. I get a little hot under the collar when judgments are pased concerning a person's yearing for a certain family size. The same thing could be said for me. Wasn't three children enough? Why did Misty go on to have a 4th child that had a severely under developed brain that died? Shouldn't she have been happy with the three children she had?? And now I've had a miscarriage. Should I quit, just because now two bad things have happened to me.??

    Wether one is religious or not, I fiercely stand by my firm opinion that it is only between a husband and a wife to decide what their family size should be. And for me, I rely heavily on God to answer my prayers about what children I have coming to me. I KNOW I have more children that are meant to be born to me. They will live, and I will raise them. I feel their spirits, and I know they are meant for my family. Wheter some one else gets that or not isn't up for me to worry about.